I get frustrated easily anyway, but I don't always get things. I just found out that one of my friends from High school is pregnant with her second baby. She lives with her boyfriend. It frustrates me because I guess I'm envious. I've been married for quite a while, have a house, have a wonderful relationship with my husband. Neither of us wanted a honeymoon baby, but to have had at least one child by now or even one on the way would be nice.
I got really irritated with what I saw at Walmart the other day. Some druggie woman buys her stuff with food stamps and we see her in the parking lot with her 3 or 4 kids in the car. Then you hear of all those people that torture, neglect and kill their children. Wouldn't we be better parents than these people? Wouldn't this be a better situation for children to come into this world? I know I will never have the answers, and I know I shouldn't question the Lord. But I don't get it.
Then we always have people hinting at us having kids like, "So, what's new in your life"? or asking us right out if we are pregnant. I wish people would understand that "Having a baby" isn't always a decision we get to make. I guess that is my answer for why all these other people have kids.
But then i get saddened by being in Primary. Every Sunday is a constant reminder that we're childless. And it hurts. It hurts when little kids ask if I'm not a mom, than what am I? There is always the "joke" in Roy's family that we need to carry on the family name. He only has one brother, with 3 girls, and they can't have more kids. We are the only ones who can carry on the Robin Pearson family name. I get frustrated that people forget or are ignorant to the fact that Not getting to be parents yet or ever is a sensitive subject.
I guess now that I've had my rant I'll be good for a couple of days, until all these feelings creep back up. I know Heavenly Father Loves me and watches over me, I just need to ask for patience and understanding in all my trials in life.
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That's just it babe. Life never was meant to be fair. We each have our own trials. For some, it's having the kids, for others, not having them. I remember the year and a half we were trying for a baby to be the most emotionally streneous thing I'd ever dealt with. Good luck. We love you. Love the kids you've got :) Everything else will eventually fall into place.
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There is one thing to be said about my kids now, they are quiet, never leave a messy room, hardly know they're there. :?
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you are coming from. If you ever need an empathetic ear then contact me. Sometimes you just need someone to say that they understand and that it really does suck.
ReplyDeleteHey I know you posted this a while ago, but I just barly read it. But I just wanted you to know its ok to feel that way! I totally know! It crazy how sometimes the thing that you want most is the very thing that is the hardest to get! I have those hard days to when you just have to think WHy them and not me! It sucks! But I know that the Lord knows our pain and will someday wipe every tear that we have shed! You are amazing and an example to me! Anytime you need to vent to someone who is in the same boat just let me know! I can use my ears :)
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